Reading Ephesians 5:11-33 as an Egalitarian

Reading Ephesians 5:11-33 as an Egalitarian

For a long while now, I’ve felt compelled to speak directly to several passages of Scripture that, in my view, have been taken captive by those who proclaim something other than the gospel of grace. These passages have been used to construct systems of authority that the New Testament never requires and that the Spirit never enforces. One movement has gained remarkable traction across congregations and entire denominations: complementarianism. It presents itself as a faithful return to biblical order, yet it insists that although men and women share equal worth before God, they have been permanently assigned different roles, with men always occupying the position of final authority.

As an egalitarian, I cannot accept that premise. I do not believe God has instituted a universal hierarchy that binds all believers for all time. I do not believe the gospel of grace comes packaged with a secondary governance code that dictates who may lead and who must follow based solely on biological sex. To add such a structure to the gospel is, in effect, to add a law where Christ has brought freedom. It is to impose a pattern of authority that the New Testament consistently disrupts through the Spirit’s gifting, through the ministry of women, and through the radical leveling that takes place in Christ.

My concern is not merely academic. When complementarianism is treated as divine mandate, it becomes a filter through which Scripture is read rather than a conclusion drawn from Scripture itself. It turns descriptive moments into prescriptive rules, elevates cultural circumstances into eternal decrees, and ultimately burdens the church with a system that functions more like an inherited law than the liberating grace Paul fought so fiercely to protect.

I believe the gospel calls us into mutual submission, shared authority, and Spirit-led service—not into a hierarchy that assigns leadership to men and deference to women as though this were the eternal will of God. The good news of Jesus does not need a supplemental governance structure to complete it. Grace is enough.

As an example of what I am talking about, let’s look again at Ephesians 5:11-33.

Ephesians 5:11 Don't participate in the fruitless achievements of darkness, but instead expose them

Ephesians 5:12 because it is shameful even to mention what is done by them in secret.

Ephesians 5:13 Everything exposed by the light is made visible.

Ephesians 5:14 You see, what makes everything visible is light. For this reason, it is said: Get up, sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.

Christians often gain a bad reputation in many cultures because of what we choose not to do. Outsiders sometimes assume our restraint is rooted in blind legalism or joyless rule‑keeping. But that is rarely the case. Much of what we avoid, we avoid because those things are shameful and sinful, and participating in them would contradict the new life Christ has given us. Our refusal becomes a quiet but powerful testimony. By choosing not to join in, we expose those deeds to the light, making it unmistakably clear that God does not approve of them.

The more we choose to live the resurrection life Christ has granted us, the more this dynamic becomes visible. His goodness, righteousness, and truth begin to shine through us—not because we are flawless, but because His light is stronger than our darkness. As His light rests on us, it exposes what is happening around us. It reveals what is worthwhile and pleasing to God, and what is empty, harmful, or corrupt. It clarifies the difference between what leads to life and what leads to decay.

And once we see clearly, responsibility becomes ours. Christ’s light does not merely illuminate; it calls for a response. We must say no to the deeds of darkness—not out of pride, not out of superiority, but out of loyalty to the One who rescued us. We refuse certain paths because we have found a better one. We abstain not to earn God’s favor, but because we already live in His favor. We walk away from darkness because we belong to the light.

This is not about withdrawing from the world. It is about walking wisely within it. It is about letting Christ’s radiance guide our steps, shape our desires, and refine our choices. When His light shines through us, we become living demonstrations of what is worth participating in—and what is not.

The patriarchal system was alive and well in the world into which God planted the Ephesian church. In that culture, it was considered normal—even virtuous—to treat women as second‑class citizens. Many were viewed not as full image‑bearers but as dependents, or worse, as property to be managed. This was not a minor cultural quirk; it was one of the deep fractures in the social order, a symptom of the darkness Paul was confronting.

When Paul writes to the Ephesians, he is not simply correcting individual behaviors. He is exposing an entire way of thinking that devalues people based on gender, status, or power. The downgrading of human beings—especially women—was one of those “fruitless works of darkness” he urges believers to expose in Ephesians 5:11. In other words, the problem was not only immoral actions but the entire worldview that made those actions seem acceptable.

Paul’s gospel vision refuses to let any group be diminished. In Christ, no one is disposable. No one is inferior. No one is permitted to dominate or silence another. The old patterns of hierarchy and entitlement—so deeply woven into Greco‑Roman life—are brought into the light and shown for what they are: distortions of God’s design for mutual honor, shared dignity, and Spirit‑empowered unity.

The early church in Ephesus was learning to unlearn the assumptions of their culture. They were discovering that the kingdom of God does not run on the logic of patriarchy but on the logic of love—self‑giving, mutual, Christ‑shaped love. And that meant refusing to participate in any system that diminished the worth of another human being.

Lord, teach us to expose every pattern—ancient or modern—that devalues your image in others. Give us courage to walk in the light, honoring one another as equals in Christ.

Ephesians 5:15 Pay careful attention, then, to how you live-- not as unwise people but as wise--

Ephesians 5:16 make the most of the season, because the days are evil.

Ephesians 5:17 So don't be foolish but understand what the Lord's preference is.

Every day we make choices. Some are small, some are life‑shaping, but all of them move us in one direction or another. Paul reminds us that if we simply go with the flow during evil days, we should expect nothing but evil as a result. The current age is not neutral. It pulls downward. It drifts toward resentment, self‑protection, retaliation, and despair.

That is why we must learn what God prefers and actively live out His will. We cannot “be Christian” passively. Holiness is not something we drift into. Wisdom is not something we stumble upon. Obedience is not something that happens by accident. We must aggressively pursue what God wants because it will never happen by chance.

And then there’s the personal struggle—Resentment. The enemy loves to weaponize unfairness. He whispers reminders of what was done to us, what is being done to us, what should have happened but didn’t. He tempts us to sin in retaliation, as if hurting ourselves or others could somehow balance the scales. It’s irrational, but in moments of weakness, it can feel persuasive.

Paul’s words cut through that fog. We are living in evil days. Unfair things are going to happen. Injustice is going to touch us. People will fail us. Circumstances will wound us. But these are not signs that God has betrayed us. They are opportunities—holy opportunities—to refuse the drift. To resist the current. To choose the will of God over the pull of resentment.

Every unfair moment becomes a crossroads:
Will I go with the flow, or will I walk with God?
Will I retaliate, or will I trust?
Will I surrender to bitterness, or will I surrender to the enemy’s lies?

Faithfulness is not proven in easy days. It is proven in evil ones. And God is shaping us through every choice we make.

The doctrine of complementarianism teaches people to define themselves by roles that are said to be fixed, timeless, and God‑ordained. But throughout Scripture, God’s people are repeatedly called to break the molds that culture tries to impose. In first‑century Ephesus, believers lived in a world where a person’s worth was predetermined—by gender, by status, by power, by social expectation. And Paul refused to let the church baptize those assumptions. He challenged them not to drift along with what their society labeled “proper,” but to put God’s will above every cultural script.

Paul’s message was radical: your identity is not handed to you by the surrounding world. It is given by Christ. And because of that, the Ephesian believers were called to resist the gravitational pull of their culture. They were to expose the systems that diminished people, not imitate them. They were to embody a new way of being human—one shaped by the Sacred Breath, not by the social hierarchies of their city.

The 21st century offers believers the same bondage, only dressed in modern clothing. Our culture still hands out prewritten roles. It still tells people who they are allowed to be. It still rewards conformity to systems that diminish, divide, and devalue. But God’s word continues to challenge us to break the chains. The days are still evil, and the pressure to fit the mold is still strong. Yet the church is called to go against the grain—to treat every believer with dignity, to refuse any system that ranks one image‑bearer above another, and to allow the freedom of the Holy Spirit to define us in ways that contradict the accepted norm.

In Christ, we are not confined to the roles culture assigns. We are liberated to become what God calls us to be—together, as equals, empowered by the same Spirit, walking in the same light.

Lord, teach us to resist every cultural script that diminishes your image in us. Give us courage to walk in the freedom of your Spirit, honoring one another as equals and living as people shaped by your will rather than the expectations of our age.

Ephesians 5:18 And don't get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Breath:

Ephesians 5:19 speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music with your heart to the Lord,

Ephesians 5:20 giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

A life directed toward the worship of God and the encouragement of one another—this is the Christian alternative. Paul contrasts two ways of living: one shaped by the impulses of the age, and one shaped by the Sacred Breath. When the Sacred Breath fills us, something remarkable happens. We begin to desire what pleases the One who breathed new life into our dead corpses. Our instincts shift. Our priorities realign. Our hearts tune themselves toward God.

The result is not the loss of control that comes from intoxication. It is not shame, regret, or the emotional hangover that follows worldly indulgence. Instead, the Spirit‑filled life produces mutual encouragement, musical hearts, and thankful lives.

Mutual encouragement:

The Sacred Breath turns us outward. Instead of draining others, we strengthen them. Instead of competing, we build up. Instead of isolating, we harmonize. Spirit‑filled believers become a community where every voice contributes to the song.

Musical hearts:

Paul’s imagery is not about performance but about posture. A Spirit‑filled heart becomes an instrument tuned to God’s goodness. Worship rises naturally—not only in gathered praise but in the quiet rhythms of daily life. Gratitude becomes melody. Reverence becomes harmony. Joy becomes the steady beat.

Thankful lives:

Thankfulness is not a mood; it is a worldview. It is the recognition that everything we have is grace. The Sacred Breath cultivates a deep awareness of God’s generosity, so that gratitude becomes our default response to life. Even in hardship, we find reasons to bless the Lord.

This is what it means to live the resurrection life today. Not waiting for heaven to begin worship but worshiping now. Not waiting for eternity to encourage one another but encouraging now. Not waiting for the final renewal to be filled with the Spirit but seeking His fullness now.

The Spirit‑filled life is not accidental. It is cultivated. It is received again. It is the daily choice to open ourselves to Breath that animates us, shapes us, and sends us.

Lord, show us how to keep filled with Your Sacred Breath, so that we keep overflowing with worship and mutual encouragement, living the resurrection life today.

Ephesians 5:21 submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, to your husbands as to the Lord,

Ephesians 5:23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the congregation. He is the Savior of the body.

Ephesians 5:24 Now, as the congregation submits to Christ, in this way also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

It is very easy to use this passage as a proof‑text for male superiority in the church. After all, Paul does say that husbands are the head of their wives, and that wives should submit to their husbands in everything. It would be tempting—especially for men—to imagine that if the women in our lives would simply yield to our wills, interpersonal problems would disappear.

But Paul is not saying that. Not even close.

Paul never claims that males are superior because they are males. He never grounds authority in biology, personality, or cultural privilege. Instead, he frames the entire discussion with a command that applies to everyone: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:21). Mutual submission is the starting point, the foundation, and the governing principle.

Complementarianism forces people to fixate on verse 22, as if the entire passage hinges on a single command to wives. It often suggests—sometimes subtly, sometimes bluntly—that our relational problems would disappear if women would simply submit more. But if we slow down and look at the text, something striking emerges in the Greek, the word submit does not appear in verse 22 at all. It is supplied by English translators because the verb is carried over from verse 21.

And verse 21 is the verse complementarians hope no one reads too closely.

Paul’s actual command is “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The grammar is unmistakable: the submission of verse 22 flows directly from the mutual submission of verse 21. Paul is not establishing a chain of command; he is describing a Spirit‑formed community where every believer yields to every other believer in love.

Complementarianism teaches a pecking order—higher and lower, leader and follower, authority and subordinate. In that framework, submission always flows in one direction: downward. But Paul’s command is reciprocal. Everyone submits to everyone. No one gets to stand above another. No one gets to claim superiority. No one gets to demand obedience.

This is not how first‑century Ephesus worked. And it is not how twenty‑first‑century El Paso works either. Both cultures understand leadership as power, rank, and control. Both cultures assume that someone must be on top. But the kingdom of God runs on a different logic.

Jesus Himself said that the nations operate by “lording it over” others.[1] That is the world’s leadership model—hierarchy, dominance, entitlement. But in His kingdom, greatness is measured by service. Authority is expressed through humility. Leadership is cruciform, not coercive.

Paul is not baptizing the patriarchal structures of his day. He is subverting them. He is calling the church to embody a new kind of humanity—one shaped by mutual honor, mutual sacrifice, and mutual submission. A community where no one is diminished and no one is elevated above another, because all stand equal at the foot of the cross.

Yes, Paul encourages wives to submit to their husbands. But he also commands husbands to submit to their wives through sacrificial care, loving them the way Christ loves the congregation (5:25). Christ’s love is not domineering. It is self‑giving. It is protective. It is costly. It is a submission expressed through service.

Paul ends the section the same way he began it—with mutuality. In verse 33 he tells husbands to love their wives as they love themselves, and wives to respect their husbands. These are not hierarchical instructions; they are relational ones. They describe how each spouse reflects the dynamics of being the congregation of Christ in their marriage.

This mutual submission is not about who gets to be the boss. It is about how each of us—especially within marriage—can embody the gospel. Husbands reflect Christ’s sacrificial care. Wives reflect the congregation’s responsive devotion. Together, they form a living parable of Christ and His people.

When this passage is used to justify domination, control, or superiority, it is being misused. Paul’s vision is not about power; it is about Christlike love. It is about two people, both submitted to Christ, both submitted to one another, both seeking to reflect the beauty of the gospel in their relationship.

Lord, give Your congregation the wisdom to refrain from dominating anyone, and the good sense to stop using passages like this as proof‑texts for that domination. Teach us to practice mutual submission, so that our relationships reflect the heart of Christ. Free us from every hierarchy we have inherited from the world. Teach us the beauty of mutual submission, the strength of servant‑leadership, and the joy of honoring one another as equals in Christ.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, care about your wives, like Christ cared about the congregation and gave himself on her behalf

Ephesians 5:26 to make her sacred, cleansing her with the washing of water by the spoken word.[2]

Ephesians 5:27 He did this to present the congregation to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but devoted and blameless.

Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands are to care about their wives like their own bodies. He who cares about his wife cares about himself.

If you have a wife, you have been given a special gift no one else on earth can appreciate in quite the same way as you do. Her strengths, her beauty, her personality, her faithfulness, her presence in your life, these are treasures entrusted to you. But Paul reminds us that this gift comes with a calling. Just as our Lord gave Himself for His bride, so now husbands are expected to give themselves on behalf of theirs.

All the talk about “authority” over your wife misses the point entirely. Paul is not giving husbands a throne to sit on; he gives them a cross to carry. Yours is not the work of domination. It is the work of sacrificial care. You are called to submit to her needs, to seek her welfare, to care for her with the same attention you give to nourishing, strengthening, and protecting your own body. Christlike headship is not about control—it is about costly love.

And yes, you will run the risk of being misunderstood. People may call you weak. They may mock you for not “taking charge” of your woman. They may think you lack authority because you refuse to demand it. Let them think about what they will. You are not preparing her for them. You are preparing her for the King.

When Christ returns, you want to present her to Him—not as someone you dominated, but as someone you cherished. Not as someone you controlled, but as someone you strengthened. Not as someone you used, but as someone you helped flourish. She is only yours for a little while. She belongs to Him forever. You had better treat her right.

This is the weight and the wonder of Christian marriage: two people preparing one another for the presence of Christ. A husband’s calling is not to rule his wife but to ready her—to love her in such a way that she becomes more radiant, more confident, more holy, more alive.

Lord, give us the strength to care for our spouses with courage and determination, knowing the One for whom we are preparing them. Make our marriages living parables of Your sacrificial love.

Ephesians 5:29 You see, no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, as Christ does for the congregation,

Ephesians 5:30 since we are members of his body.

Ephesians 5:31 For this reason, a human will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the congregation.

Ephesians 5:33 To sum up, each one of you is to care about his wife like himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

There is a profound mystery Paul is speaking about here, and there is also a practical implication. The profound mystery concerns the eternal relationship between Christ and the saved—past, present, and future—who will live with Him forever. This union is permanent, unbreakable, and central to God’s plan. It is the relationship for which we were created and toward which all of history is moving.

But Paul also draws out a practical implication for the present. Christian marriage, as beautiful and meaningful as it is, is temporary. Jesus Himself taught that we will not be married after the resurrection. Our earthly marriages are not eternal covenants; they are living parables of the eternal covenant. They are signposts pointing beyond themselves to the relationship that will last forever.

Until the resurrection, Paul calls husbands and wives to pattern their marriages after that permanent relationship. Just as Christ sacrificed His life to secure His union with His people, so husbands are called to live sacrificially for the sake of their wives. This is not about authority; it is about imitation. It is not about hierarchy; it is about Christlike love.

And wives, in turn, are called to faithfulness and devotion—not because their husbands are flawless, but because their marriage reflects the eternal relationship between Christ and His congregation. The faithfulness of Christian spouses becomes a testimony to the faithfulness of Christ. Their unity becomes a picture of His unity with His people. Their sacrificial love becomes a shadow of His sacrificial love.

Marriage, then, is not merely a private arrangement. It is a spiritual practice. It is a rehearsal for eternity. It is a temporary relationship shaped by the contours of a permanent one. And when we understand this, our marriages take on a deeper purpose. They become places where we learn to love as Christ loves, to serve as Christ serves, and to prepare one another for the day when we will stand before Him.

Lord, show us how to reflect our permanent relationship with You in our marriages. Shape our love, our faithfulness, and our sacrifice so that our temporary unions point clearly to the eternal union we will share with Christ forever.

[1] Matthew 20:25; Mark 10:42; Luke 22:25.

[2]ῥῆμα is a word that has been spoken—a concrete utterance, statement, or saying. Rom. 10:8, 17-18; 2 Cor. 12:4; 13:1; Eph. 5:26; 6:17.