Does Ephesians 5:21 Teach Mutual Submission in Christian Marriage?

The aim of this post is somewhat narrow.   I won’t attempt to comment on the entirety of the Ephesians passage that follows and contains what some scholars call a household code.  What I want to challenge is the commonly accepted interpretation of Ephesians 5:21 that claims that Paul is teaching that there is to be mutual submission in a Christian marriage of both the wife and the husband to one another.   

That interpretation stresses that what Paul is calling for in 5:21 is mutual submission of Christians one to another and this also applies to the Christian marriage.  Now it is very clear that believers are to love one another and serve one another.   The classic text that teaches this is Philippians 2:1-8.   There Paul commands believers (this is fleshed out primarily but not exclusively in our local church fellowships) to be of the same mind and to do this by having the same love, being united in spirit and having the same purpose (2:2).  Rather than being motivated by selfish ambition (wanting my own way) and vain conceit (my way is the best way), we in humility should be motivated to treat one another as more important than ourselves (2:3).  This is further expanded as occurring when each of us not only look out for our own interests but for the interests of others as well.    

If we really stop and reflect on what we are called here to do we realize that apart from God’s grace this is indeed impossible.   Certainly this calls for reciprocity in our communion with one another in Christ.  In fact Christ himself treated us this way.    Paul continues by teaching that this is the mindset of the Son of God who set aside his own self interest and humbled himself by taking on human flesh and the form of a slave and became obedient to the point of death on the cross securing atonement for sinners.   So, when I hesitate to heed this command to consider others more important than myself and to put their interests before my own by yielding my heart and hands to serve them, I must remember that Christ put my interests and welfare before His own.  The implication being, in part, that while I have no guarantee that my selfless actions on behalf of others will be reciprocated (I certainly cannot make that a condition for such service), that the Lord Jesus Christ, who put my interest before his own in his life of humility and in his sacrificial death and now ever lives, is still concerned about me and my welfare.  So, I can, motivated by his example and trusting in his gracious provision in humility, serve my brothers and sisters.   

Yet, this is not what Ephesians 5:21 is teaching.  The participle “submitting” is the last of five participles that provide the results of the imperative “be filled with the Spirit.”   This command is a call for us to yield to the Holy Spirit’s ministry in our lives as believers.  The parallel passage in Colossians 3:15-4:1 teaches that we are filled with the Spirit as we let the word of Christ dwell in us richly.  We have been sealed with the Spirit upon believing the Gospel (Eph 1:13).  We are further commanded not to grieve the Holy Spirit through whom we were sealed for the day of redemption (Eph 4:30).   Our being filled with the Spirit will be evident in our addressing one another in psalms hymns and spiritual songs, singing to one another and making music in our hearts to the Lord, giving thanks always and for all things to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.  

There are three textual reasons for calling into question the very common and acceptable interpretation that verse 21 is teaching mutual submission between Christians in a general sense and mutual submission in Christian marriage between husband and wife in a more particular sense.  

First, there is the word “submit” (ὑποτάσσω - ὑpotάsso).    In every other verse in the New Testament of which I am aware where ὑpotάsso is found it describes someone submitting to those who are in some authority over that person.  It always goes in one direction.  This is the definition of the word found in all of the standard New Testament Greek lexicons including A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature known at BDAG where ὑpotάsso in the middle voice speaks “of submission involving recognition of an ordered structure… to whom the appropriate respect is shown.”  This is seen in the numerous New Testament texts where ὑpotάsso is used.   Here are a few examples.  Jesus as a youth submits to his parents (Luke 2:51).  We see it used of demons who submit to the disciples (Luke 10:17, 20); of citizens being subject to civil authorities (Rom 13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13); of the cosmos being subject to Christ (1Cor. 15:27; Eph. 1:22); of the church being subject to Christ (Eph. 5:24); of church members being subject to their leaders (1Cor. 16:15-16; 1 Peter 5:5); of servants being subject to their masters (Titus 2:9; 1 Peter 2:18); of believers being subject to God (Heb. 12:9; James 4:7) and of wives being subject to their husbands (Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:5).  

However, might Ephesians 5:21 be the exception?  After all the reciprocal pronoun ἀllalon (one another) is used.   A straightforward reading of the verse seems clearly to be calling for mutual submission of believers with one another.   If the passage ended at verse 21 this might indicate that here is an exception.   However, the text does not end here.  What follows are three familial relationships found in Greco-Roman and even Jewish households.   In each of the three there is an ordered authority: wives and husbands, children and parents, slaves and masters.  What Paul is doing is laying out how believers are to live within those socially ordered contexts.  Out of reverence for Christ wives are to submit to their husbands, children are to obey their parents and Christian slaves are to obey their masters.   

Second, the Greek reciprocal pronoun ἀllalon does not in all cases call for symmetrical reciprocity.   The context will determine whether such reciprocity is meant or not.   There are several texts in the New Testament where full reciprocity with the use of ἀllalon cannot be the meaning.   In Luke 2:15 after the angels left the shepherds the text states that the shepherds said to one another (ἀllalous) "Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, that the Lord has made known to us."   Here probably one or two of the shepherds were voicing this sentiment and the others were in agreement and spoke in the affirmative but they were not saying the same thing at the same time.   In Luke 12:1 we read “when many thousands of the crowd had gathered so that they were trampling on one another.”  With many thousands certainly a large number of people were trampled but many others were trampling.  Some who had been trampling no doubt were eventually trampled.   We find a similar use of the reciprocal pronoun in Revelation 6:4 where the rider on the red horse is permitted to take peace from the earth with the result that “people should slay one another.”  This does not mean that they killed one another at the same time.  While many were killed many others were doing the killing.   In Galatians 6:2 we are commanded to bear one another’s burdens.  Paul’s stress here is that those who are able are to bear with those believers who are in need should do so.  Similarly, in 1 Corinthians 11:33 as Paul brings his instruction regarding the appropriate handling of the Lord’s Table to an end, he reminds those believers who were bringing the food for the meal not to continue pressing ahead with eating while others were left hungry but “wait for one another.”  

Third, the context with the household directives found in 5:22-6:9 strongly indicate that the submission of verse 21 is not mutual between every believer nor mutual between husband and wife but is submission within an ordered relationship.   The use of ἀllalon in the context does not change the normal meaning of the word submit (ὑpotάsso) which in every other text describes submission to appropriate authorities and seems to do so here as well.  It always goes in one direction.  The other factor is that if  Ephesians 5:21 is teaching mutual submission one runs into a snag when it comes to the child parent directives and the slave master directives.   If what Paul is teaching is the mutual submission of wives and husbands are we to understand that he also is teaching the mutual obedience of parents to children and masters to slaves?   This flies in the face of other New Testament texts and especially the parallel text to Ephesians 5:22-6:9 which is Colossians 3:17-4:1 where it is very clear that there is an understood order in the household directives to which certain members are called out of reverence for Christ to submit to those who are over them and those in authority are to treat those under their care and leadership with love, kindness and justice. 

Such household codes were known in other ancient literature.  What is unique here is that Paul is addressing not only those whom he calls to submit or to obey but he addresses those in authority.   Paul is applying the Gospel to these various ordered relationships and in doing so he doesn't call for the dismantling of these various household orders of authority but for the transformation of them.  

I know that there is much more that needs to be addressed.  More has to be said on what Paul teaches about the nature of Christian marriage where wives are called to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ and husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.  Likewise there is the serious matter of the institution of slavery and what Paul does with it.  I hope to address both these issues in future posts.  

Regarding this post, I am open to being challenged and corrected in my interpretation of Ephesians 5:21.  I ask that if you plan to respond please be focused on what is laid out here.   My aim is simply to present this alternative interpretation of this verse in its context and I do so with an irenic desire for dialogue and for the edification of the body of Christ.